Many of us forget that we are in fact in control of our thoughts and reality. Let’s talk about how we can take control of our thoughts and reality and show up as the best version of ourselves.
Our thoughts affect our reality, it triggers an emotion which triggers a body reaction that makes us act in a certain way. This creates a mental pattern which we end up sub consciously repeating which in return alters our reality.
Our thoughts about ourself and how we perceive the world are based around our core beliefs. Core beliefs are deeply rooted under the surface of everything. Acknowledging our core beliefs is the first step so we can work on changing them which will help the process of changing your thoughts.
The pattern:
Core belief (The way we view ourselves/world based on experiences) – “I am not worthy of love, my father wasn’t in my life, he didn’t care about me and I never received his love”
Activating event (Something happens which is problematic for us) – A partner ends the relationship with you.
Thoughts (How we interpret the event. This will be effected by the situation we are in, our core beliefs, and previous experiences of similar situations) – “I am not good enough for love, what is wrong with me? Why can people not love me. I am not worthy of love”
Emotions (What we feel following the event. This will be effected by our interpretation. We may feel a range of emotions) – “I feel sadness, I feel angry, I feel confused, I feel fearful”
Behaviour (Taking into consideration all of the above, we act on the event) – An insecure attachment style is formed which affects the behaviour, you may behave clingy and needy in a relationship, and behave in a selfish, manipulative way when you become vulnerable or shy away completely from relationships.
How can we change this mental pattern?
To change this pattern we must go inwards so we can dive deep into our core beliefs and face them. Write a list out of all the things you believe to be true about yourself and the world. It’s important to remember when you do this exercise to be completely honest with yourself.
Our core beliefs can be changed, if you write on your list “I am not worthy of a happy and healthy relationship” write the opposite next to it “I am worthy of a happy and healthy relationship” the key to this exercise is to use the opposite statement as an affirmation always speak in the present tense “I AM”. Repeat these affirmations to your self everyday the more you say this you will start to believe it. It may be hard at first but when you start to really feel it you will condition it as a core belief.
When an activating event happens and it triggers thoughts, you may feel more comfortable to fall back into old thoughts patterns but you need to challenge these thoughts, you can do this by keeping a thought record. I personally like to act as if I take my thoughts into a court. See an example below for how I process my negative thoughts:
Put your thought into the dock (What is the negative thought bothering me?) –
Defence (What evidence do I have to suggest this thought is true? What solid facts do I have to bring forward to convince the jury this is accurate?) –
Prosecution (What evidence do I have to suggest this thought is false? What solid facts do I have to bring forward to the jury to discredit this thought?) –
Jury (A jury’s job is to weigh up the evidence for and against the thought, they have to set aside feelings and make a balanced judgement based on the evidence presented)
Verdict (Given with all the evidence presented what do you think of the original thought now? What is a balanced and realistic way of looking at the thought now? Sum up your new way of thinking) –
What’s next?
Now you have started to affirm your new core beliefs about yourself and challenging any negative thoughts you will be starting to feel more positive and balanced in life. You are learning to be more self aware, you are getting to know yourself better, and you have more of an idea of what you want in life. When you feel good about yourself and your way of thinking is more balanced it becomes easier to manifest your desires because you are now feeling you are worthy of everything you desire in life.
Write out what you desire in your life, write in the present tense as if you already have it. (“I am grateful for the healthy, loving relationships I have in my life”) think about how you would feel if you had your desire in your life, if you desired a healthy, loving relationship, you would feel happiness, joy, excitement etc. Focus on thoughts that make you feel like this this and you will start to attract this into your life!
We have some books on how our thoughts and words affect the experiences we have in our daily lives, and how we can use affirmations to attract our desired life. We also have a Self – Healing crystal set to help you on your healing journey.
